People are nicer in small towns. Or maybe they just act nicer. I suggest that this is true after many years of observation. I grew up in Queens, a borough of New York City, and then spent most of my working years in the Hudson Valley, and now live in a very small town in the Adirondacks in northern New York. My behavioral assessment is not an indictment of large urban cities; it is just a recognition of the reality that folks in small towns are friendlier. At least they act friendlier. I do have a theory as to why this is true.
For anyone who resides in New York City, population 8 million people, when they are getting on the subway on their way to work, the odds of them seeing someone that they know well enough to greet is approximately nil. You go about your train ride with your head buried in your phone or your newspaper, as you pray that no one interrupts you to ask if you have any spare change. You do not make eye contact with anyone, and you really cannot say hello to anyone without making eye contact unless, as my mother used to warn, you want to be carted off to Bellevue. This is not behavior that engenders good social skills in anyone over their lifetime.
On the other hand, when you see a fellow resident in the village of Schroon Lake, in the Adirondack north country (population 1,880, no subway), the overwhelming odds are, one, that you know them, and two, that you are going to see them again later that day. You naturally get in the habit of greeting folks and asking how they are doing, how their kids are doing, or just waving as you pass them on the road. You are nice to people, in part, because you will probably see them at least once more later that day at Tops, the only supermarket in town, and when you pick up your mail at the (only) Post Office, or go to one of the (only) school’s events, or go to the (only) theater, The Strand, or stop for coffee at the local Stewart’s – a ritual “Upstate NY” morning gathering which really deserves its own diary entry. These neighborly salutations become habit, and those habits are passed down for generations. It is a wonderful and noticeable habitude, and a distinctly rural small-town behavior.
Waving while driving also deserves mentioning. I have observed four distinct categories of vehicular waving, each of which is reserved for specific occasions and circumstances. First is the general neighborly wave, offered on the occasion of passing someone whom you know when you recognize their vehicle. This behavior is not specific to the north country; I have actually seen this happen in Queens (but never in Manhattan). In the north country, it is expected, and standard practice.
There are two additional very specific “vehicular waves”, which are not to be confused with “general neighborly waves”. These are not restricted to New York drivers, but are practiced only by owners of Jeep Wranglers and Mini Coopers. All Jeep Wrangler owners wave to each other. All Mini Cooper owners wave to each other. Mini drivers do not wave to Wrangler drivers and Jeep Wrangler drivers do not wave to people driving Jeep Wagoneers. The waving is very specific to the makes - and models - of these two cars. You will never see a BMW owner waving to another BMW unless they know the owner. It is considered very bad form not to return waves from passing Wrangler / Mini drivers if you are also driving one. My wife has chastised me on frequent occasion for not recognizing and returning said waves because she did not want to be labeled as a non-wave returning Wrangler / Mini Cooper driver because I was rude while I was driving her car. We have owned both Minis and Wranglers.
The fourth, and most fascinating wave for me, is practiced by owners of pick-up trucks, which is to say, most rural male drivers. This is not specifically a “vehicular wave” like a Mini/Wrangler wave. Those wavers do not need to know each other and usually do not. Pick-up truck wave practitioners generally do. This understated wave – almost imperceptible - is another neighborly rural behavior that spread organically, because you tend to wave to anyone that you think you know. There is a contractor on my road that uses white RAM 2500 trucks for his company that look just like my RAM 2500. When I first bought the truck they would wave to me, probably because they thought my truck was one of theirs. Now we all wave to each other.
The pick-up truck wave is kind of a combination of wave #1 (general purpose neighborly wave) and a vehicular wave. Pick-up truck waves also take a very specific form that can take some time to master. It should be practiced before trying it out on a passing truck, lest you do it incorrectly and be labeled as a “flatlander” (non-local). First, and very importantly, your wave hand – your right hand - never leaves the steering wheel. You are not waving to your girl friends at the soccer game. Your left hand holds the wheel at approximately 10 o’clock with your left elbow resting on the door window ledge. Keep your left hand in that position. Holding your right hand on the wheel at approximately 12 o’clock, raise (only!) your index finger and your middle finger to acknowledge the approaching truck. You can also cock your right thumb slightly if you know the other driver well - but continue to hold the wheel with your ring finger and pinky. Do not allow your hand to leave the steering wheel. Do not make eye contact! I call it the wave of feigned indifference. I mastered wave #4 by watching my friend Pete, who I think learned it when he was living in Alaska, but it is now in popular usage throughout the Adirondack north country.
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